First Day at US

Here is my first day experience at USA.

I landed here at San Fransisco airport at around 10 in the morning. Nice rainy day, mild wind blowing and what not, nice girls moving around !  It looks like dream come true. Everything looks systemetic and to the place. The pathway follows to the immigration system. I get inquired for the reasons of being here. Not much, I could easily answered all and my Identification got in the record. I moved directly to get my luggages and after that they got scanned with my declarations. 

One of the collegue was already awaiting for my arrival to pick-me up with his wife. We meet for while and moved towards the parking area. We got out of the air-port and oh my God, first time I saw 5 lanes crossing each other. What a construction ? Steadily we moved towards the santa clara and to my appartment to reach. We put all the luggages and then I had my lunch at Chipotle (Maxcan Grill). It taste so nice and I was awaiting for some good food for so long. That's it. Later in the evening, I meet with my room mate and we shared gestures. Not less, but I was not in mood in sleep that day because of Jet Lag. 

Yet my luck was as always with me, those were Christmas vacation for all and we had already planned to move San Diego for 4 days trip. At plan time, I was not included but there was a place in the car and I got in the trip. It started at mid-night. As I had Jet Lag, I was the key person in the car to make sure chat-talk with Driver. Everything went well and we reached La Jorre Park in the early morning. 

Some key points :

• Be very active with collegues/friends going out. At the end, we all are the gainer.
• Don't stare at any girl/woman.
  
• Use Hathodas all time, its a key to get fresh all time!

There are lots of other things over here.. See you in the next blogs...

I really need it ....

Neither like summer nor monsoon. Its strong wind to waive you from all directions having cold around. Birds are flying with more free voice,  I feel my winter to begin.

To be honest, after many days I got up before 7 and that may be the reason of all above. But above all, I enforced to hide every part. I feel it, I need this moment. I can see birds having more freedom and more control on their way as they also feel the same. Once you feel it, you need it.  There is no objection on this. 

I feel charm on all. At work, at home and where not! That shows every one feel it. Everyone need it. Even the body, which feels energetic, it needs more food and it need more excercise. The days are come, I really need them as I feel them....

I liked to be on bed for noon but have no option, you have to get up, you need to get ready and do all routine. But all things are coming after you feel it because you need it.

sing is king

started with comedy scenes and songs, akshay kumar is at its best.

Katrina looks glorious in the movie and especially in the songs. Story is very smooth (as a matter of fact, you will not consider it as a story). Everything happens at the first shot in the Akkie's life and that makes more rumors. End is also ok, it would have been better.

Movie lasts for ~2 hr. Overall, its fine movie, comedy is spread all over the time and I would rate 3.5/5

gvim : replace options

:%s/old/new/g	Replace all occurences of “old” by “new” in file
:%s/old/new/gw	Replace all occurences with confirmation
:2,35s/old/new/g	Replace all occurences between lines 2 and 35
:5,$s/old/new/g	Replace all occurences from line 5 to EOF
:%s/^/hello/g	Replace the begining of each line by “hello”
:%s/$/Harry/g	Replace the end of each line by “Harry”
:%s/onward/forward/gi	Replace “onward” by “forward” , case unsensitive
:%s/ *$//g	Delete all white spaces
:g/string/d	Delete all lines containing “string”
:v/string/d	Delete all lines containing which didn’t contain “string”
:s/Bill/Steve/	Replace the first occurence of “Bill” by “Steve” in current line
:s/Bill/Steve/g	Replace “Bill” by “Steve” in current line
:%s/Bill/Steve/g	Replace “Bill” by “Steve” in all the file
:%s/\r//g	Delete DOS carriage returns (^M)
:%s/\r/\r/g	Transform DOS carriage returns in returns
:%s#<[^>]\+>##g	Delete HTML tags but keeps text
:%s/^\(.*\)\n\1$/\1/	Delete lines which appears twice
Ctrl+a	Increment number under the cursor
Ctrl+x	Decrement number under cursor
ggVGg?	Change text to Rot13

gvim : search options

/word	Search “word” from top to bottom
?word	Search “word” from bottom to top
/jo[ha]n	Search “john” or “joan”
/\<>	Search “the”, “theatre” or “then”
/the\>	Search “the” or “breathe”
/\<>	Search “the”
/\< ….\>	Search all words of 4 letters
/\/	Search “fred” but not “alfred” or “frederick”
/fred\|joe	Search “fred” or “joe”
/\<\d\d\d\d\>	Search exactly 4 digits
/^\n\{3}	Find 3 empty lines
:bufdo /searchstr/	Search in all open files

gvim : split commands

:e filename	Edit filename in current window
:split filename	Split the window and open filename
ctrl-w up arrow	Puts cursor in top window
ctrl-w ctrl-w	Puts cursor in next window
ctrl-w_	Maximise current window
ctrl-w=	Gives the same size to all windows
10 ctrl-w+	Add 10 lines to current window
:vsplit file	Split window vertically
:sview file	Same as :split in readonly mode
:hide	Close current window
:only	Close all windows, excepted current
:b 2	Open #2 in this window

gvim : tabs

:tabnew	Creates a new tab
gt	Show next tab
:tabfirst	Show first tab
:tablast	Show last tab
:tabm n(position)	Rearrange tabs
:tabdo %s/foo/bar/g	Execute a command in all tabs
:tab ball	Puts all open files in tabs

gvim : exploring commands

:e .	Open integrated file explorer
:Sex	Split window and open integrated file explorer
:browse e	Graphical file explorer
:ls	List buffers
:cd ..	Move to parent directory
:args	List files
:args *.php	Open file list
:grep expression *.sv	Returns a list of .sv files contening expression
gf	Open file name under cursor

gvim : record

I like some of the extra-ordinary features of the gvim.

Starting with the exciting feature : record

To record, at command type 'q' and 'a' ('a' is a record variable)
Then do all the actions and to end the recording press 'q' again.

Now, to recall the recording type @a ('a' is record variable)

This is one of the fantastic feature, used to add semicolon at the end, grep and adding particular word etc....

color of frequecy...

wht is d color of frequency....????????????








a-purple...........
coz....
frequency=1/time
=1/second
=per second
=per pal.........{coz hindi mein pal=second}
=purple...........

cheel ki kahani ...

CheeL ko EngLish mEin kya kEhte hAin????








>>>>>>>>>EaGLe<<<<<<<<<<<<



Aur aGaR CheeL bImaR hO jaye to?????????????






??



????




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ILLEGAL

Sardar at the best... again

Sardar Again....

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor
asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket
and said April fool. I have pass.

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child


Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale
master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai .

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai.


Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi
To tumhare liye.

King and Princess

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess!

But there was a problem
Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,
wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men
were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and
magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one
thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
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The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a
competition. Any man that could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and
inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took
up the challenge. The first prince brought a very
hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess
touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
















The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that
diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely,
it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it,
it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
















The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in the bag and feel what is in
there." The princess did as she was told, though she
turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in
her hand. And it did not melt!!!
















The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived

happily ever after.


But The Question Is :
What was the object the prince had in the bag?


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They were Britannia Little Hearts of course!
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

morph concept

nowadays, mobiles are becoming in boom. All day to day devices are getting embedded inside mobile and that too considerable price. I came across a china based company phone which has Analog TV, Dual Sim card and FM with variable antenna. The Sound Quality is also fair. And all these are almost at about Rs 5500.

Nevertheless, I am very much in favor of using the standard company devices and looking forward for that only. I visit Nokia website and found about the morph concept. This is in R&D and it seems that it would take 2-3 years to be fully functional.

With this technology, it will be possible to change the shape of the mobile. That means we can wear it like a watch and we can use it as a regular mobile too. In addition, we can also capture photo of the background and make a desktop of the mobile!! We can communicate with wearing as a watch and use it as a clock, necklace etc..

Its going to be extreme example of the nano-technology and I wish the best for it success!!

Search for Nokia 888 for more details...

tare zameen par

This is one of my favorite movie in which I feel movie ticket is worth (after llllong time !!).

Taare Zameen Par tells the story of eight year old Ishaan (darsheel) who suffers greatly until a teacher (amir khan) identifies him as dyslexic. Nicely directed and the a great message to the society.

It is not important that what people do and what people understands for you. Its highly valuable to know what we know, what we can and what we want society to understand for ourself. It is not at all required that people understand the matter only at one way, but it is very useful to make people understand in which they feel comfortable. Nicely directed and perfect movie. Its very difficult to find a mistake in the movie.. I feel very emotional songs in it and liked the movie very much...

bheja fry

This is the movie of my interest in which it is very easily and effectively shown that how one person can irritate other people. Bharat Bhushan is the center character of the movie. He is a tax officer who thinks he is the best in everything, but very humble in nature. Ranjeet wants to take Bharat Bhushan to the special Friday night party but Ranjeet's wife Anjali leaves him at the same night. The rest of the movie is what all things he do to get his wife back, and how Bharat Bhushan helps him, even after knowing the bad intentions of Ranjeet.

I saw this movie at home on VCD and after watching all, I came to know that whole movie is completed withing 60 Lakhs including marketing and advertisements. Looking at the success of such a low budget movie, the sequel of the same is going to come very soon with "Bharat Bhushan Ki Kahani".. I hope that would be more interesting than Bheja Fry...

I know its late to write for this movie now but I can't ignore this movie in my blog ....

sarkar raj

Inspired by "Sarkar", I rushed to see the movie with my friends. Of course, it is a story based on politics. One of the very positive character is Abhishek Bachchan. In the movie, he always tries to think on development of the Mumbai, India. The extremity comes when he lost his wife for that too. Amitabh's role in the movie is of very mature politician and very often it looked that he directs people ideally but which was not feasible all the time.

End of the movie is very dramatic and it completes within 10-15 min. Very fascinating thing about the movie is direction and expression of the characters. None of the character is talkative but background music makes all alive. Music is almost same as "Sarkar"...

I rate the movie above average as I like politic based stories.

Jay Hind !!

tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana

tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana
tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana
chaman ma badhane khabar thai gai che
zukavi che gardan badhi dalio a
fuloniy nichi nazar thai gai che.

sharam no kari dol saghalu jua che
kali pandioo na padade rahi ne
kharu jo kahi dauto vatavarn par
tamara nayan ni aasar thai gai che

tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana

badhi rat lohi nu pani karine
bichavi che moti ni sejo usha a
padharo ke aaje chaman ni yuvani
badha sadhano thi sabhar thai gai che

tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana

upasthit tame cho to lage che upvan 
kalakar nu chitra sampurn jane
tame jo na ho to badha kahi uthe ke
vidhata thi koi kasar thai gai che

tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana
tamara ahi aaj pagala thavana
chaman ma badhane khabar thai gai che
zukavi che gardan badhi dalio a
fuloniy nichi nazar thai gai che.

Thay Sarkhamni To Utrata Chia....

Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia, ---- (2)
te chatta abroo ne dipavi didhi,
Amna mahel ne roshni apva, ---- (2)
zupadi pan amari Jalavi didhi.


Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia


Ghor andhar che akhi avani upar
to jara dosh ama amaroy che,


Ghor andhar che akhi avani upar
to jara dosh ama amaroy che,

akto kai sitara j nahota ugya ---- (2)
Ne ame pan shamao bhujavi (buzavi) didhi.


Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia


Koi amne nadya to ubha rahi gaya ---- (2)
pan ubha rahi ame koine na nadya,
khud ameto na pahochi sakya manzile ---- (2)
Vat kintu bajane batavi didhi.


Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia


kon jane hati kevi varsho juni ---- (2)
jindagi ma asar ak tanahai ni,
tanhai ni, tanhai ni, tanhai ni, tanhai ni....


kon jane hati kevi varsho juni
jindagi ma asar ak tanahai ni,
koi a aj amastu pucchyu kem cho,
ane akhi kahani sunavi didhi.


Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia


Jivata j bharoso hato isqe par, ---- (2)
A marya bad "Befam" sacho padyo.
Jat mari bhale me taravi nahi ---- (2)
lash mari parantu taravi didhi.

Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia,
te chatta abroo ne dipavi didhi,
Amna mahel ne roshni apva, ---- (3)
zupadi pan amari Jalavi didhi.

Thay sarkhamani to utarta chia ---- (3)

Nayan ne bandh rakhine...

By Manahar Udhas

ashru virah ni rat na khali shakyo nahi
pacha nayan na noor ne vali shakyo nahi
hu jene kaj andh thayou royi royi ne
a avya tyare temne nihali shakyo nahi..


nayan ne bandh rakhine me jyare tamne joya che
tame cho tena karta pan vadhare me tamne joya che

nayan ne bandh rakhine.....


rutu ek j hati pan rang nahoto apno ek j
mane sahera a joyo che bahare tamne joya che
tame cho tena karta pan vadhare tamne joya che
nayan ne bandh rakhine.....


parantu earth ano a nathi ke rat viti gai
rat viti gai... rat viti gai...
parantu earth ano a nathi ke rat viti gai
nahi to me ghani vela saware tamne joya che
tame cho tena karta pan vadhare tamne joya che
nayan ne bandh rakhine.....

hakikat ma juo to aey ek sapanu hatu maru
sapanu hatu maru.... sapanu hatu maru.... sapanu hatu maru....

hakikat ma juo to aey ek sapanu hatu maru
khuli ankhe me mara gharna dware tamne joya che
tame cho tena karta pan vadhare tamne joya che
nayan ne bandh rakhine.....

nahitar avi riteto tare nahi lash dariya ma
nahitar avi riteto tare nahi lash dariya ma

mane lage che ke ane kinare tamne joya che

tame cho tena karta pan vadhare tamne joya che

nayan ne bandh rakhine me jyare tamne joya che
tame cho tena karta pan vadhare me tamne joya che

nayan ne bandh rakhine.....

Sardars

Tippu Sultan’s Throne

Santa went to Mysore palace.

Tourist guide : Santaji please don’t sit there, its Tippu Sultan’s throne.
Santa : Oye! don’t worry yaar I’ll get up when he comes !!



Direct To The Sun

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T Kanpur were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, “What’s the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are Sardars we will go direct to the sun.”

“But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we’ll melt.”

And the first answered, “So what, we’ll go at night.”

Sardar and Hidden Camera

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet : “What are you searching for ?”

Santa : “Hidden camera !”

Jasmeet : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here ?”

Santa : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching Star World Channel. How does he know that ?”

Sardarji in Delhi

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder ."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

Sardarji gives him thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder ".

Sardar in Library

Santa Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, sir?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

--------------------------------

Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

What is the full form of singh
Ans: sardar insaan nnahi gadha hai.

Sardar's son: mom kal raat ko vapas vaisa hi hua bathroom jane ke liye darwaza khola aur apne aap light on ho gayi. Mom: tenu kitni baar bola ki fridge ganda mat kiya kar.

What is the chemical formula 4 water? S

shayari

Door sahi majboor sahi,par yaad tumhari aati hai,
Jab saans wahan par leti ho, to badboo yahaan par aati hai.....

================

Gunghat Mein Jo Dekha To Deewanna Hua mastaana Hua,
Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua,Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua,Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua.......

===============

Dard-e-Dil ko zuba par laate nahi,hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,hum Dettol ke siva kuch laagate nahi................................

===============
Yaddein wo nahi jo tanhi mein aati hai,
Yaddein wo nahi jo judai mein aati hai !!
Yaddein to wo hoti hai,
Jo yaad aane aane par bhi Tanha kar jati hai !!!!!!!!!
===============

Muddat se dur the aap aur hum,kismat ne milaya toh achha laga...
Sagar se gehri laga dosti apka, tairna to ata tha par doobna achha laga..

===============

Who says nothing is Impossibe




I have doing nothing for the past 22 Years...........................




Believe me its possible

===============

Gujju

Q: What do you call a gujju with no knees?
A: Knee-less (Nilesh)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mara maran par tame aansoo na bahavsho,
Mara maran par dosto gam na karsho..
..Mari yad aave to sidha upar j aavjo!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jivan maa JAS nathi,
Prem maa RAS nathi;
Dhandha maa KAS nathi,
Javu chhe swarg maa,
pan eni koi BUS nathi..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

G - gentle
U - understanding
J - jolly
A - adorable
R - royal
A - aggresive
T - tough
I - intelligent
This much quality only 1 cast have,
Yes, its GUJARATI..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bolya kare a maitri,
chup rahe a prem
milan karave a maitri,
judai satave a prem
hasave a maitri,
radave a prem,
to pan loko maitri mukine kem kare chhe prem??!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gujju Premi: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa,
kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: DHOKLA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shayari:
Tu hase chhe jyare jyare,
tyare tyare tara gaal ma khada padechhe.
Hu vicharu chhu betho betho
ke mara shivay aa khada ma ketla pade chhe!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

picture message

7 Hathodass!!

a man goes to the town from his village to buy `anaj'.he has
to cross river while on the way. While coming back the river gets
flooded and is very wild how does he cross it?











He takes the wheat that he bought from that anaj and stones from the surrounding and makes a `Wheat
stone's bridge'(Again Physics)

=====================================================
Aisa kaunsa cheez hai jisey kahtey hi insaan sadaa jawaan ho jata hai......












Ans : Mortein (More-Teen)
=======================================================
lady drinking coke.usme macchar gir jata hai.lady takes it out
machar says"maa"
lady"y do u call me maa"



think,think










think, think







think,think







ans-machar says"main teri coke se nikala hu"
==============================================
wat do you give a man if he is dying????
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birla cement...kyunki is cement mein jaan hai...!!!
===============================================
kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai
vimal
chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???









Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

AGAIN..... once arshad warsi n mayuri kango went to the bus stop... mayuri went in the bus but arshad did not... kyun????
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bcoz mayuri CAN-GO

N then shahrukh n rani go to the bus stop.. rani goes in the bus but shahrukh does not...kyun?????

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bcoz shahrukh rani to bus stop pe chodne gaya tha yaar...

=========================================================
how wil u make the road broad?????











ans....add a 'b' to it
==========================================
Sorry Girls...but this is jst a PJ.

Q. Prove that GIRL IS EVIL...

Proof.

Boys spend Time AND Money on Girls

Thrfore Girl = Time*Money......

But Time is Money....

Thrfore Time = Money

Thrfore Girl = Money*Money

But Money is the root of all Evil...

Thrfore Money*Money = Evil

Thrfore Girl = Evil

Q.E.D.
==============================

Thanks for Reading

shayari

Girl: Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.

Boy: Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

=================================

arz kiya hai


tera saath nibhayenge saatho janam................................... ...

gour farmaiye...janab..........................




tera saath nibhayenge saatho janam......................................







maa kasam shayari khatam.................

================================================

dile gastoor ...na gujar sake ......kyunki hum the majboor..



dile gastoor ...na gujar sake ......kyunki hum the majboor..






isse zyada urdu nahin aati aage kya kahein ....huzoor

7 Hathodass!!

What would u call the head of the Zilla Parishad..?













Zil-e-Elahi... hehee... CHOW

========================
A BOY THROWS A BOTTLE OF BOURNVITA OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW,,,

A CAT SEES THE BOTTLE AND BURRIES IT..


WHY?













BECOZ.,.













CAT-BURY BOURNVITA
=====================================
whch is d room havin no window or a door????





socho............







MUSHROOM
===========================================
how was mister nisaar born......?????????






socho...





well...
jawaan janeman
haseen dilruba...
mile jo dil jawaan..

NISAAR ho gaya...!!!
======================================

A man goes to work in Finland and stays there. He gets a green card (or what ever u get wen u become a citizen) and he dies?
WHY???????

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..
.
.
.
..
Think u PJ Brains

.
.
.
.
.
.
..

Socho... Socho....
.
.
.
.
..

.



Because after getting the Citizenship of Finland he becomes Finnish
=====================================================
Gabber: Kitne Aadmi they.
Sambha: Sardar Do,
Gabber: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?
Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad aata hai.
Gabber: Aur Do ke pehle?
Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai.
Gabber: To beech mein kaun aata hai? Sambha: Beech mein koi nahi aata.
Gabber: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?
Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se bada hai.
Gabber: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?
Sambha Do ek se Ek bada hai?
Gabber: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khaya hai, mujhe goli mar do.

==================================================
Once ganguly is batting .. .n shoaib takes his run up to bowl upto him... as soon as he reaches the bowling crease.. .ganguly stops him frm bowling... n starts shoutin HUMARI MAANGE POORI KARO...... WHY??????????












Cuz.. HE IS ON STRIKE....

kill hathi

How wud u kill a blue hathi....?
..
..


..
..
..
..
with a blue bandook.......

now, how wud u kill a lal hathi??..


..
...
..
...

First u will give him poison....n then he will become blue.....then u
will kill him with the blue bandook.....

Now,how wud u kill a yellow hathi?
..

..
...
..
..
,
,
,
First u will make him angry so that he becomes red...then u will give
him posion ....so that he'll now be blue....n now u will killl him with
the blue bandook....

Now, how wud kill a green hathi???(worst one)....

..
..
..

..
..
..
..
..
..
..

..
..
..
..
u will make him sick so that he catches jaundice n turns yellow....n
then make him angry so that he turns red....n again yes u guessed it
right....poison him....he turns blue...n then shoot him with the blue
bandook.......

Now.....How wud u kill a purple hathi????
..
..
..

are pagal ho kya? purple hathi kabhi dekha hai ?

Catch Lion

"5 Scientific Methods to catch a lion"

1. Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite
reaction. Implies you caught lion.
2. Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher
relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired
soon. Now you can trap it easily.
3. Schrodinger Method>At any given moment, there is a positive
probability
that lion to be in
the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.

4. Inverse Transformation Method:
We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an
inverse
transformation with
respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows everything to pass
it except lions. Then
sweep the entire forest with it.

5 hathodass!!

an interviewer-where u were bron ?
sardar says- thiruchirapalli
interviewer - can uspell it out?
sardar(after thinking for a while)- i thinki was bornin goa.

=================

Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because he remembered what guruji told him.....

"Musibat jitni choti ho utni achchi"....

=================

Napolean : There is no word "IMPOSSIBLE" in my dictionary.
Santa : You should have checked it while purchasing.Now it cant be returned,
so no point cribbing now.

=================
What is the height of PJ???
-
-
-----
-
-
-

-
-
-
-
-
--
-
-
-
-
ne guess
-
-
-
-
-

-
-
-
-
----
-
-
-
----


--
-

-
---
-
-
-
----
-
-
-its... 5feet 8 inches (PJ= ParamJeet)

======================
maths
3+3=8





kaise????????????





thoda dimag lagao?????????








nahi pata















"GALTI SE"

Another one...
again maths
wats 1+1=?












saharam karo iska answer bhi msg mein dhoondh rahe ho..........
nam dooba diya school ka........

=================================================

7 Hathodass!! (Only Sardar)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

petrol

ek sardar ne TV pe dekha k petrol k daam badh chuke hai
ye dekh ke sardar tension me aa gaya,

utneme waha dusra sardar aaya and pehle wale sardar ko tension me dekhke bola:

"oye tu itna tension me kyu hai?"

1st: "arey yaar, tune suna nahi petrol k daam badh chuke hai, Rs. 52/ltr "

2nd: "o yaar! kya farak padta hai, hame to 50 ka hi dalavana hai na!!!..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sardar and bill clinton

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.

Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me.

He takes him to a forest.

Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.

Bill: more...more. ..more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet.

Bill: So now, try to search something.

Sardarji: I got a wire.

Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India . Next year Bill was in India

Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest.

Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does.

Sardarji : more...more. ..m.?l. Bill goes up to almost 400 feet..

Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries.

Sardarji : Did you get anything?

Bill : No, there is nothing here.

Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar ' s wife: O sardar ji, yeh car
ki speed itni kion barha di...??

Sardar ji: oyee car ki break fail ho gayai
hain, is say pehlay k koi accident
ho jayai ghar pohunch jatay hain:p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. tusse papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
Guess why?
because somebody had told him that
it is wrong to sleep with married women.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl ,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sardar went to Pizza Hut.
There he ordered a Pizza.

The Waiter asked him:
Sir shell I cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces.

Sardar replied:
O 4 hi le aa yaar,
8 to nahin khaye jayein

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keep Smiling

Read this.. & keep smiling… J




Duniya Gol Hai:-----
Chuha Billi se Darta Hai,
Billi Kutte se Darti Hai,
Kutta Aadmi se Darta Hai,
Aadmi Apni Biwi se Darta Hai,
Biwi Chuhhe se Darti Hai.!!!
Duniya Gol Hai...

-----------------------------------------------

Ek Sharabi marne laga, tab Bhagwan Prakat hoke bole,
'KOI ANTIM ICCHA???'

Sharabi-
Agle Janam Me Ek LIVER Extra Laga Dena....!

--------------------------------------------------------

Ek Macchar, Ek Takle (Ganje) Ke Sar Par Ja Baitha...
Dusra Macchar Bola:- Waha Kya Ghar Dhundh Raha Hai???
Pehla Macchar Bola:- Ghar Kaha Re, Abhi To Sirf PLOT Kharida Hai...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Boy to Girl:
Hey If I Climb This Coconut Tree, I can See Engg College Girls.

Girl:
Leave Both The Hands from there, U Will See Medical College Girls.. .

Let's play with Science

Whats the opposite of pilet ???
yea eya... the one whu flies the aeroplanes// ???


















ans : sigma let !!!!
ha ha hahahahahahaha


=================================
I am sure samaj me nahi aaya ...
arre !!!
pi bond,,,,, sigma bond....

got it ??

===============================

ONE MORE !!!!!

10 people climbed on 10 mango trees...
then tell me how many mangoes they have...
value???


??



??













ans " 1...... because... 10 mango tree means 10 base(root) and 10 log (people)
So, 10 log with base 10 = 1...

ha hahahhahahahahaahhaahhaha ha

=========================

ok now...
why dont mathematics students have problem of water...
ie the water which is used for bathing , washing etc...
the mathematics students have plenty of it..
why ?


?




?


??








ans : becoz they study NULL matrix
ha ha ha
in hindi... null means tap !!!!

Shant Zarookha... (full song in text)

શાંત ઝરુખે વાટ નીરખતી
રુપની રાણી જોઈ હતી,
મે એક સેહજાદી જોઈ હતી.

એના હાથ ની મેંહ્દી હસતી તી,
એના આંખ નુ કાજળ હસતુ તુ,
એક નાનુ સરખુ ઉપવન જાણે,
મોસમ જોઈ નીખરતુ તુ.

એના સ્મીત મા સો સો ગીત હતા,
એની ચૂપ્કી થી સંગીત હતુ,
એને પડછાયા ની લગન હતી,
એને પગરવ સાથે પ્રીત હતી.

એ મોજા જેવુ ઉછડતી તી,
ને પવન ની જેમ લેહરાતી'તી,
કોઈ હસી ને સામે આવે તો,
બહુ પ્યાર ભર્યુ શરમાતી'તી.

એને યૌવનની આશી'સ હતી,
એની સ્ર્વ બલાઓ દુર હતી,
એના પ્રેમ મા ભાગીદાર થવા,
ખુદ કુદરત પણ આતૂર હતી.

વર્સો બાદ ફરી થી આજે એજ ઝ્રુખો જોયો છે,
જ્યાં ગીત નથી,સંગીત નથી,
જ્યાં પગર્વ સાથે પરીત નથી,
જ્યાં સપનાઓ ના મહેલ નથી ને,
ઉર્મીઓ ના ખેલ નથી.

બહુ સૂનુ સૂનુ લાગે છે,
બહુ વસમુ વસમુ લાગે છે.

એ ન્હોતી મારી પ્રેમીકા,
એ ન્હોતી મારી દુલ્હન,
મે'તો એને માત્ર ઝરુખે
વાટ નીરખતી જોઇ હતી,
કોણ હતી એ નામ હતું શું,
એ પણ હુ ક્યાં જાણું છુ..............

તેમ છતાંયે દીલ ને આજે,
વસમુ વસમુ લાગે છે,
બહુ સુનૂ સુનૂ લાગે છે.....................

5 Hathodass!!

Q.) Why don't most people wake up early.. i.e. when the day dawns.. or sun rises.. but
instead get up when the sun is already shining bright..??

.

.
.

.

.

Ans.) Because they have realised.. "dawn ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin.. naa mumkin hain.."

==============================================

Q) What do the white spaces in the above image signify?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Square Roots !!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many kids shall vikram_k51@infosys.com have?
.
.
.
A: 51

Why?
.
.
.
Vikram ke 51

============================

Q) What did the Kangaroo say when her baby went missing from her pouch?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A) Aiyla!!! Kisi ne mera pocket maar liya!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q) Teacher: Name 5 ferocious animals.

.

.

.

.

.

A) Student: 2 lions and 3 tigers

hathodass!!

Iron man is male/female

Once all chemistry professors went to see the movie "Iron Man" expecting the iron man to be a lady. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
because
.
.
.
.
In chemical terms
.
.
.
.
Iron = Fe
.
.
.
Man = Male

So Iron Man becomes Fe-Male or female

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

what is pizza???

this is very tough question..


.
.
.



.
.
.
.


.

.
.


Is it a tough one,.... not really

.

.
.
.

Ans :
It is a volume of cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units
How???

Coz volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h
=>pi*z*z* a
=Pizza
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Pressure & Drink

Q: Why do people who have so much pressure drink so much?
.
.
.
A: Well, people drink at a bar... And bar is the unit of pressure

==========================

Kodak Camera

Q: What happens when your female sibling swallows a roll of Kodak?
.
.
.
A: Photos-in-the-sis : PHOTOSYNTHESIS

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

mp3 player ...

Q. What do you call a Member of Parliament who is an ex-cricketer and used to bat third down for India ??
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
A. An MP 3 Player

Q. What is the Population Control Program of the Chinese Government called?



A. Chini Kam

--------------------------------------------------

Q. wat wud an angrez say to his Anpadh hindu naukar if he wants him to open the door!!!





A."There Was A Cold Day " (say it fast)

----------------------------------------------------

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

*Dad:* People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

*Mom*: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

*Son*: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

*Maid*: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephone

Nice Quotes

• In a day, when you don't come across any problems, you can be sure that you are traveling on a wrog path.

- Swami Vivekananda

• Three Sentence for getting success:
• 1. Know more than other
• 2. Work more than other
• 3. Expect less than other

- William Shakesphere

• If you win you need not explain, .. But if you loose you should not be there to explain...

- Adolf Hitler

• Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting your self.

- Alen Strike

• If you can not love the person whom we see, how can we love God whom we can not see?

- Mother Teresa

• Winning doesn't mean always first, Winning means you are doing better than you have done before

- Bonnie Blair

• I will not say I failed 1000 times, I will say that I have discovered 1000 ways that can cause failure.

- Thomas Edison

• Everyone think on changing the world, no one thinks to change himself

- Leo Tolstoy

• Believing everybody is dangerous. Believing no body is very dangerous

- A. Lincoln

• If someone feels that they had never made a mistake in their life, then it means that they have never tried new things in their life

- Einstein

• Never break four things in your life : Trust, Promise, Relation and Heart, because when they break they don't make noise but pains a lot.

- Charles

• If you start judging people, you will be having no time to love them

- mother Teresa

Mysore

Just 140 kms from Bangalore, lies the abode of untold grandeur and glory. Mysore,the capital city of the Wodeyars has always enchanted its admirers with its quaint charm,rich heritage, magnificent palaces,beautifully laid-out gardens, imposing buildings.

We travel Bangalore to Mysore by KSRTC Bus. It was volvo. Well comfort, roads are well maintained and it takes almost 2.5-3 hours to reach Mysore Bus Station. There are couple of daily tourism facility available which has a day package in a small bucks. We choose one of them which includes all traveling inside Mysore.


Mysore Palace:
This is one of the glory of the Indian Kingdom. King Wodeyar has built it with a glory and one of the best architecture. In night, they make it enlighten and it views amazing with a proud in heart. After this, I felt very honor to be Indian. The sinhansan is made of gold and it is out for civilian on the occasion of the Darshera. It is rare to see such things.

Zoological Garden (zoo):
One of the rarest zoo I have seen. Never got a chance to see the animals like Giraffe, Chimpanzee, Baboon, Wild Buffalo, Swamp Deer, Langur etc. and this is not the end. List is very large. All animals are very well cared and it takes almost 3-4 hours to complete a good way. We got almost 1.5-2 hour and we missed some of the last series of it. Morning is the best time to visit.

Tipu's death place, his summer palace, rocket & bomb manufacturing unit are exceptional on the way to Rangapatnam. Tipu's death place is near to Kauvery and Britishers have destroyed whole his unit badly. We hadn't stopped there because of time limit and went forward to Brindawan Garden.

Brindavan Garden: This is one of the biggest well maintained garden I would say. There are two ways in the garden, namely North and South. North part contains the garden and fix fountains whereas South garden contains a lake and musical fountain with a few bucks. We have seen similar and advanced musical fountain at the home town (ahmedabad) and because of the time limitation we proffered to go for the north garden. North garden is huge and there are 4-5 slots of the garden. Each slot contains a series of fountains. They are nice and we reached there at 7 after sunset, so didn't get much chance to see flowers there, but did enjoy fountains much. I found very similar and regular but size is large.

In addition to this, we also visited Chamudeshwari Temple, which is famous over south. We were not much interested and there was rain so, we enjoyed outside with breakfast and tea !!

How to reach & travel:
One can reach Mysore from Bangalore by KSRTC bus. They are at high frequency and adequate rupees. Around Mysore, we took a travel package and that was ok. Next time, we will directly go to the interested places rather than for all places. Same for coming back, buses are available from Mysore station and also from Brindavan Garden.

Its a nice place and do visit when you get a chance.

Have a nice time !!

Nokia Secrets

On the main screen type

*#06# for checking the IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity).

*#7780# reset to factory settings.

*#67705646# This will clear the LCD display(operator logo).

*#0000# To view software version.

*#2820# Bluetooth device address.

*#746025625# Sim clock allowed status.

*#62209526# - Display the MAC address of the WLAN adapter. This is available only in the newer devices that supports WLAN like N80

#pw+1234567890+1# Shows if sim have restrictions.

*#92702689# - takes you to a secret menu where you may find some of the information below:

1. Displays Serial Number.

2. Displays the Month and Year of Manufacture

3. Displays (if there) the date where the phone was purchased (MMYY)

4. Displays the date of the last repair - if found (0000)

5. Shows life timer of phone (time passes since last start)

*#3370# - Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) activation. Increase signal strength, better signal reception. It also help if u want to use GPRS and the service is not responding or too slow. Phone battery will drain faster though.

*#3370* - (EFR) deactivation. Phone will automatically restart. Increase battery life by 30% because phone receives less signal from network.

*#4720# - Half Rate Codec activation.

*#4720* - Half Rate Codec deactivation. The phone will automatically restart

If you forgot wallet code for Nokia S60 phone, use this code reset: *#7370925538#
Note, your data in the wallet will be erased. Phone will ask you the lock code. Default lock code is: 12345

Press *#3925538# to delete the contents and code of wallet.

*#7328748263373738# resets security code.

Default security code is 12345

Unlock service provider: Insert sim, turn phone on and press vol up(arrow keys) for 3 seconds, should say pin code. Press C,then press * message should flash, press * again and 04*pin*pin*pin#

Change closed caller group (settings >security settings>user groups) to 00000 and ure phone will sound the message tone when you are near a radar speed trap. Setting it to 500 will cause your phone 2 set off security alarms at shop exits, gr8 for practical jokes! (works with some of the Nokia phones.)

Press and hold “0″ on the main screen to open wap browser

About Bangalore

I have observed points about Bangalore which are new for me.
Traffic

• Narrow roads in the city. 4 lane is very common even at MG road. But I tell you one thing, corporation are very environment friendly, even roads becoming broader preserving all the side trees. It is really to be appriciated.
• Well manged Bus service. Excellent example of Public Transport. Even highly paid engineers do travel with local bus.
• In City Bus, half of the seats are reserved for womens.
• Auto rick-show drivers always asking for some 20-30 bucks extra than meter rates.
• I see Volvo bus as a city bus for the first time!!! I doubt anywhere else in India Volvo can be afforded as a city bus.
• Blood-sucking traffic at all the time.
• City Buses in which Driver himself will issue tickets. Hats-off to these drivers who manages to give tickets in while driving in heavy Bangalore traffic.
• Hopefully, Metro Rail will help in traffic problem.
  

Food

• Tea is served with aluminum glass & bowl instead of cup.
• Coffee is much better compared to my home town and North India.
  
• Excellent Juice centers. Although they are at high rate at office places but its very fresh.
  
• Dhosa, Idli & Vada are usual morning breakfast.
• Here and there, you can find Hyderabadi Hotels serving Bowls of Rice and Dal in a few bucks. Still you can get any damn Indian food here.
  

General

• Names with 'a' added at the end or 'h' added in between. For example, Ashoka, Santhi.
• "Rangoli" outside home every morning.
• Rain in all of the three season.
• Gutters & Drainage system is along side with roads and they are not well sealed. We can experience gap between stones used to seal it. Many a places they are broken and we need to be careful in that. This is very similar to the drainage system in the villages and town. Not much update, they are same.
  
• People with asian paints black colour.
• Really cool environment whole year.
• Only south Indian movie posters on walls. Only south indian music in shops.
• Weekends are heaven. People will rush into movies and shopping like hell. Movie tickets hit minimum amount of 225-250 in these days. After that also, you will hardly get tickets.
  

Humpi Trip

This is the description for the Humpi Trip.

We left the office from Bangalore at about 4 pm and pick up the bus to reach Yashwantpur Railway Station. There we pick up the train at right time and reached Hosmat at mid-night. We passed the night in the Railway Guest Rooms and then we started the journey to Humpi.

Humpi is well developed tourist place, where autos and two-wheelers are easily available. We were three, so we opt for auto at reasonable bucks. The Humpi is very much related to History and victory. We saw dozen of places which were extremely good and I am proud to be part of India after watching this glorious history. We left it at about 2 pm and we were planned for Davangere. We got the right Bus from Hosmat Bus Station at 3 pm and the Historical day at Historical place ended there.