few jokes

"Naya Daur" jo purani hindi movie hai uski prequel koi bollywood director bana raha hai.to usme actors kon honge???
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Ans:John Abraham,Katrina Kaif aur Neil Nitin Mukesh....kyuki "New York" film ke "hai junoon" gane me
wo kehte hai na "yaaro,khulke jilo pal...DAUR APNA AAYENGA"...ab "naya daur" film ka prequel yaane "daur" hoenga na!

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Ajit and Robert PJ:

Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddary kee hai..
Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein hmt ki ghadi pehnaado.
Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.
Ajeet replies.......
Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bataana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka mehmaan hai.

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Aisa konsa din hai jis din bahut jyada thande pani ki baarish hoti hai????
Ans:Chilled-rain's day...
plz haso.....

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hathoda.com

SLUMDOG MILLIONARE ki team ko kabi bhooka nahi rehna padega...wo kahi bhi khana bana k kha sakte hain...even jungle mein aur any other veeraan jagah..kahi bhi


kaise?????



???









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they have DANNY BOIL(boyle)

wo egg boil karsakta hai..aalu ubaal sakta hai...maggi bana sakta hai ..u cn c..
BOIL karke toh bohht kuchh banta hai..
now u cn undrstand...why my AR RAHMAN always say "thanks to Danny Boyle"

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~~~~RELIGIOUS P.J~~~~

Scene hai...BHAGWAAN KRISHNA nd his beloved RADHA were romancing..garden mein..krishn was playing the flute n radha was at ease...resting her head on his laps...

now tel me...krshn bhagwan ko aise positiion mein dekhke humein kya bulaana chaiye???

???

???

???

KUSHAN KANHAIYYA (CUSHION-kanhaiyaa)

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Mughal-e-PJ

AKBAR ke darbaar mein ek Bald aurat aa gai...

(koi kaam nhi tha usey wahaan...fir b aagai..)

now temme why..

kyu???

????

arey simple hai yaar...AKBAR privacy chaahta hai toh kya bolta hai harr baar??

TAKLIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(TAKLI-AA)

toh bas....takli aagai...jahaapana ke bulaane pe...

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drawing karta sardar...Eraser use karte time kya gaaega??


















mein darr di rab rub kardi de mein kardi rub rub...

=================

color of frequecy...

wht is d color of frequency....????????????








a-purple...........
coz....
frequency=1/time
=1/second
=per second
=per pal.........{coz hindi mein pal=second}
=purple...........

cheel ki kahani ...

CheeL ko EngLish mEin kya kEhte hAin????








>>>>>>>>>EaGLe<<<<<<<<<<<<



Aur aGaR CheeL bImaR hO jaye to?????????????






??



????




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ILLEGAL

Sardar at the best... again

Sardar Again....

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor
asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket
and said April fool. I have pass.

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child


Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale
master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai .

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai.


Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi
To tumhare liye.

King and Princess

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess!

But there was a problem
Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,
wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men
were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and
magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one
thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
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The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a
competition. Any man that could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and
inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took
up the challenge. The first prince brought a very
hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess
touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
















The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that
diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely,
it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it,
it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
















The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in the bag and feel what is in
there." The princess did as she was told, though she
turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in
her hand. And it did not melt!!!
















The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived

happily ever after.


But The Question Is :
What was the object the prince had in the bag?


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They were Britannia Little Hearts of course!
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Sardars

Tippu Sultan’s Throne

Santa went to Mysore palace.

Tourist guide : Santaji please don’t sit there, its Tippu Sultan’s throne.
Santa : Oye! don’t worry yaar I’ll get up when he comes !!



Direct To The Sun

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T Kanpur were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, “What’s the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are Sardars we will go direct to the sun.”

“But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we’ll melt.”

And the first answered, “So what, we’ll go at night.”

Sardar and Hidden Camera

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet : “What are you searching for ?”

Santa : “Hidden camera !”

Jasmeet : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here ?”

Santa : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching Star World Channel. How does he know that ?”

Sardarji in Delhi

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder ."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

Sardarji gives him thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder ".

Sardar in Library

Santa Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, sir?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

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Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

What is the full form of singh
Ans: sardar insaan nnahi gadha hai.

Sardar's son: mom kal raat ko vapas vaisa hi hua bathroom jane ke liye darwaza khola aur apne aap light on ho gayi. Mom: tenu kitni baar bola ki fridge ganda mat kiya kar.

What is the chemical formula 4 water? S

shayari

Door sahi majboor sahi,par yaad tumhari aati hai,
Jab saans wahan par leti ho, to badboo yahaan par aati hai.....

================

Gunghat Mein Jo Dekha To Deewanna Hua mastaana Hua,
Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua,Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua,Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua.......

===============

Dard-e-Dil ko zuba par laate nahi,hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,hum Dettol ke siva kuch laagate nahi................................

===============
Yaddein wo nahi jo tanhi mein aati hai,
Yaddein wo nahi jo judai mein aati hai !!
Yaddein to wo hoti hai,
Jo yaad aane aane par bhi Tanha kar jati hai !!!!!!!!!
===============

Muddat se dur the aap aur hum,kismat ne milaya toh achha laga...
Sagar se gehri laga dosti apka, tairna to ata tha par doobna achha laga..

===============

Who says nothing is Impossibe




I have doing nothing for the past 22 Years...........................




Believe me its possible

===============

Gujju

Q: What do you call a gujju with no knees?
A: Knee-less (Nilesh)
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Mara maran par tame aansoo na bahavsho,
Mara maran par dosto gam na karsho..
..Mari yad aave to sidha upar j aavjo!!
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Jivan maa JAS nathi,
Prem maa RAS nathi;
Dhandha maa KAS nathi,
Javu chhe swarg maa,
pan eni koi BUS nathi..
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G - gentle
U - understanding
J - jolly
A - adorable
R - royal
A - aggresive
T - tough
I - intelligent
This much quality only 1 cast have,
Yes, its GUJARATI..
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Bolya kare a maitri,
chup rahe a prem
milan karave a maitri,
judai satave a prem
hasave a maitri,
radave a prem,
to pan loko maitri mukine kem kare chhe prem??!!
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Gujju Premi: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa,
kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: DHOKLA
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Shayari:
Tu hase chhe jyare jyare,
tyare tyare tara gaal ma khada padechhe.
Hu vicharu chhu betho betho
ke mara shivay aa khada ma ketla pade chhe!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

picture message

shayari

Girl: Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.

Boy: Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

=================================

arz kiya hai


tera saath nibhayenge saatho janam................................... ...

gour farmaiye...janab..........................




tera saath nibhayenge saatho janam......................................







maa kasam shayari khatam.................

================================================

dile gastoor ...na gujar sake ......kyunki hum the majboor..



dile gastoor ...na gujar sake ......kyunki hum the majboor..






isse zyada urdu nahin aati aage kya kahein ....huzoor

7 Hathodass!!

What would u call the head of the Zilla Parishad..?













Zil-e-Elahi... hehee... CHOW

========================
A BOY THROWS A BOTTLE OF BOURNVITA OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW,,,

A CAT SEES THE BOTTLE AND BURRIES IT..


WHY?













BECOZ.,.













CAT-BURY BOURNVITA
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whch is d room havin no window or a door????





socho............







MUSHROOM
===========================================
how was mister nisaar born......?????????






socho...





well...
jawaan janeman
haseen dilruba...
mile jo dil jawaan..

NISAAR ho gaya...!!!
======================================

A man goes to work in Finland and stays there. He gets a green card (or what ever u get wen u become a citizen) and he dies?
WHY???????

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Think u PJ Brains

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Socho... Socho....
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Because after getting the Citizenship of Finland he becomes Finnish
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Gabber: Kitne Aadmi they.
Sambha: Sardar Do,
Gabber: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?
Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad aata hai.
Gabber: Aur Do ke pehle?
Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai.
Gabber: To beech mein kaun aata hai? Sambha: Beech mein koi nahi aata.
Gabber: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?
Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se bada hai.
Gabber: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?
Sambha Do ek se Ek bada hai?
Gabber: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khaya hai, mujhe goli mar do.

==================================================
Once ganguly is batting .. .n shoaib takes his run up to bowl upto him... as soon as he reaches the bowling crease.. .ganguly stops him frm bowling... n starts shoutin HUMARI MAANGE POORI KARO...... WHY??????????












Cuz.. HE IS ON STRIKE....

kill hathi

How wud u kill a blue hathi....?
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with a blue bandook.......

now, how wud u kill a lal hathi??..


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First u will give him poison....n then he will become blue.....then u
will kill him with the blue bandook.....

Now,how wud u kill a yellow hathi?
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First u will make him angry so that he becomes red...then u will give
him posion ....so that he'll now be blue....n now u will killl him with
the blue bandook....

Now, how wud kill a green hathi???(worst one)....

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u will make him sick so that he catches jaundice n turns yellow....n
then make him angry so that he turns red....n again yes u guessed it
right....poison him....he turns blue...n then shoot him with the blue
bandook.......

Now.....How wud u kill a purple hathi????
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are pagal ho kya? purple hathi kabhi dekha hai ?

Catch Lion

"5 Scientific Methods to catch a lion"

1. Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite
reaction. Implies you caught lion.
2. Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher
relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired
soon. Now you can trap it easily.
3. Schrodinger Method>At any given moment, there is a positive
probability
that lion to be in
the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.

4. Inverse Transformation Method:
We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an
inverse
transformation with
respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows everything to pass
it except lions. Then
sweep the entire forest with it.

5 hathodass!!

an interviewer-where u were bron ?
sardar says- thiruchirapalli
interviewer - can uspell it out?
sardar(after thinking for a while)- i thinki was bornin goa.

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Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because he remembered what guruji told him.....

"Musibat jitni choti ho utni achchi"....

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Napolean : There is no word "IMPOSSIBLE" in my dictionary.
Santa : You should have checked it while purchasing.Now it cant be returned,
so no point cribbing now.

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What is the height of PJ???
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ne guess
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-its... 5feet 8 inches (PJ= ParamJeet)

======================
maths
3+3=8





kaise????????????





thoda dimag lagao?????????








nahi pata















"GALTI SE"

Another one...
again maths
wats 1+1=?












saharam karo iska answer bhi msg mein dhoondh rahe ho..........
nam dooba diya school ka........

=================================================

7 Hathodass!! (Only Sardar)

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petrol

ek sardar ne TV pe dekha k petrol k daam badh chuke hai
ye dekh ke sardar tension me aa gaya,

utneme waha dusra sardar aaya and pehle wale sardar ko tension me dekhke bola:

"oye tu itna tension me kyu hai?"

1st: "arey yaar, tune suna nahi petrol k daam badh chuke hai, Rs. 52/ltr "

2nd: "o yaar! kya farak padta hai, hame to 50 ka hi dalavana hai na!!!..."

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sardar and bill clinton

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.

Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me.

He takes him to a forest.

Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.

Bill: more...more. ..more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet.

Bill: So now, try to search something.

Sardarji: I got a wire.

Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India . Next year Bill was in India

Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest.

Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does.

Sardarji : more...more. ..m.?l. Bill goes up to almost 400 feet..

Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries.

Sardarji : Did you get anything?

Bill : No, there is nothing here.

Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

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Sardar ' s wife: O sardar ji, yeh car
ki speed itni kion barha di...??

Sardar ji: oyee car ki break fail ho gayai
hain, is say pehlay k koi accident
ho jayai ghar pohunch jatay hain:p

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Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. tusse papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

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Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
Guess why?
because somebody had told him that
it is wrong to sleep with married women.

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Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl ,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

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A sardar went to Pizza Hut.
There he ordered a Pizza.

The Waiter asked him:
Sir shell I cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces.

Sardar replied:
O 4 hi le aa yaar,
8 to nahin khaye jayein

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Keep Smiling

Read this.. & keep smiling… J




Duniya Gol Hai:-----
Chuha Billi se Darta Hai,
Billi Kutte se Darti Hai,
Kutta Aadmi se Darta Hai,
Aadmi Apni Biwi se Darta Hai,
Biwi Chuhhe se Darti Hai.!!!
Duniya Gol Hai...

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Ek Sharabi marne laga, tab Bhagwan Prakat hoke bole,
'KOI ANTIM ICCHA???'

Sharabi-
Agle Janam Me Ek LIVER Extra Laga Dena....!

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Ek Macchar, Ek Takle (Ganje) Ke Sar Par Ja Baitha...
Dusra Macchar Bola:- Waha Kya Ghar Dhundh Raha Hai???
Pehla Macchar Bola:- Ghar Kaha Re, Abhi To Sirf PLOT Kharida Hai...

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Boy to Girl:
Hey If I Climb This Coconut Tree, I can See Engg College Girls.

Girl:
Leave Both The Hands from there, U Will See Medical College Girls.. .

Let's play with Science

Whats the opposite of pilet ???
yea eya... the one whu flies the aeroplanes// ???


















ans : sigma let !!!!
ha ha hahahahahahaha


=================================
I am sure samaj me nahi aaya ...
arre !!!
pi bond,,,,, sigma bond....

got it ??

===============================

ONE MORE !!!!!

10 people climbed on 10 mango trees...
then tell me how many mangoes they have...
value???


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ans " 1...... because... 10 mango tree means 10 base(root) and 10 log (people)
So, 10 log with base 10 = 1...

ha hahahhahahahahaahhaahhaha ha

=========================

ok now...
why dont mathematics students have problem of water...
ie the water which is used for bathing , washing etc...
the mathematics students have plenty of it..
why ?


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?


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ans : becoz they study NULL matrix
ha ha ha
in hindi... null means tap !!!!

5 Hathodass!!

Q.) Why don't most people wake up early.. i.e. when the day dawns.. or sun rises.. but
instead get up when the sun is already shining bright..??

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Ans.) Because they have realised.. "dawn ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin.. naa mumkin hain.."

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Q) What do the white spaces in the above image signify?

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Square Roots !!!

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Q: How many kids shall vikram_k51@infosys.com have?
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A: 51

Why?
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Vikram ke 51

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Q) What did the Kangaroo say when her baby went missing from her pouch?
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A) Aiyla!!! Kisi ne mera pocket maar liya!!!!
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Q) Teacher: Name 5 ferocious animals.

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A) Student: 2 lions and 3 tigers